Currently… Avoiding Everything I’m Supposed To Be Doing

fullsizerreading: Exodus! Doing a 100 day challenge where we started in Genesis and are seeing how far we can get in the bible by reading and journaling about it everyday. I did read the new Stephanie Plum novel, and the Jack Reacher novel that the newest movie is based on over thanksgiving break. Those were so good!
watching: My kids??? Does that count?? I haven’t had time for much tv recently. I did catch up on NCIS last off days… I may be behind again though…  I want to start watching This Is Us, but again no time
eating: Lot’s of junk… We’ve had 3 parties in 3 days.. Two Christmas, and a birthday… Lots of sweets, lots of candy and soda, the boys had pizzookie tonight and will have it the next two nights (so many birthdays)… Nothing good
laughing about: something my kids have done or said…
loving: my job! My kids are awesome, and I just am so thankful I get to be a parent like figure for them…
researching: nothing… I don’t have time to research lol… I googled how much an iPod shuffle was for one of my boys.. And the other day I looked up the elephant sanctuaries in Thailand where you can go and hang out with elephants sign me up!
thinking: of my to-do list and how long it is… But let’s just avoid it some more with this blog :)… Really I just needed a little me time.
listening to: The sound of my fan… I should have turned on Christmas music while I was doing this…. Also I just finished this sermon series on my runs last week, it’s really good and I think something we all need to hear, so check it out!
planning: my week out… runs, parties, paperwork, sleep, errands, bible study, meetings, kids, youth group calendar… life is busy right now but good! And will slow down after this week!
sniffing: nothing!!
feeling: all the feels! Seriously!

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Adults Throw Temper Tantrums Too

I’ve heard it said that the Lord uses your kids to teach you about Himself. I’ve always believed it just because people I’ve been close to have said it. But now I can believe it because it happened to me the other night.

I’ve kind of been in a funk with my relationship with the Lord lately and not been spending much time with him. As a result I’ve been down in the dumps, discontent, and really negative. A few days ago I reached bottom I guess you can say. I knew the Lord was patiently pursuing me, and waiting for me to repent, surrender and turn back to Him. And I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t turning back to Him. So of course I asked the Lord for help. To show me where my sin was, so I could turn away from it. And like always, He did, but He used one of my kids to do it.

On Saturday while one of my kids was in the midst of a fit they screamed “You guys don’t love me because you don’t let me do what I want, I never get to do what I want, You let all the others do whatever they want but I always get no answers!” My first thought was “I hate the devil.” I was thinking that because this kid, like so many in this generation, has a distorted view of love. They think that love is getting whatever they want regardless of their behavior. The devil just keeps on spinning that lie.

As I was thinking about that the Lord just knocked me to my knees. He brought me to the realization that I was acting toward Him just like my kid was acting toward me. I was mad at the Him because He wasn’t giving me the yes answer I wanted. And I threw a fit just like my kid. I stopped spending time with Him and started trying to fill the place in my heart that only He can fill with human things. I was exchanging the creator for the creation. Which only led to heartache and pain, which caused more anger at the Lord, just like the consequences my kid earned made her more mad at me.

What is there to do in that moment other than to repent, and praise Him answering prayers even when we don’t deserve it?

 

 

 

The story of tattoo #2

Since yesterday was the 6 year anniversary of getting my first tattoo I decided it was finally time to share the story of tattoo number 2. I have multiple blog drafts saved about this topic and haven’t been able to finish any of them… Why you ask? Well because the story of this tattoo involves a lot of hurt, and I just haven’t been able to share that hurt honestly and in a way that is edifying. But I think I can do it now… So here goes
11102625_10100562751508571_5011736061697326537_nThis tattoo is about five years in the making. I knew I wanted a tattoo on my left wrist but I couldn’t ever find a design that fit. I searched and searched, then would let go of the idea of getting one. Only to start searching again a few months later. I wanted it to encompass the two ways I try to live my life for the Lord. Love Deeply and Take Big Risks. Last November I finally found a picture of a tattoo I could get on board with. I sent it to Lydia and asked if she could draw it out with the changes I wanted. She did! So then started my waiting period. I always wait a few months after finding a design to see if I really want it. And this one stuck through those few months. So in March while I was in California for Normy’s bridal shower I got it.

Now you may be thinking man there isn’t any hurt in that story, minus the pain of getting the tattoo… And I would say you are right… But the story of this tattoo doesn’t end there. Where the hurt comes in is when I got back to Texas and the months that followed….

Many of you know I work at a Christian group home for kids from families in crisis. I am one of many teaching parents. We all love Jesus, but have different convictions, traditions, and things like that. Totally fine, the Holy Spirit guides us in our own. But we are to remain one as a body as it says in most of Paul’s Epistles. That idea is where the issue arose.

The night before I got my tattoo one of the married couple teaching parents that I worked closely with sent me a text stating their conviction against tattoos. I did not have a problem with receiving that text or the conversation we had following it about our different convictions. It was good dialog and stayed edifying for the most part. Having that conversation didn’t change my mind about getting the tattoo. I figured we would be able to stay unified as a body in Christ through our different convictions.

When I got back to Texas with my tattoo, there was major tension between this couple and I. And I wasn’t sure how to fix it. They did not approve of the decision I had made and it caused a rift in our team. I wanted to stay unified, but I wasn’t sure what that looked like, or how to do it on my part.

I had gotten called into managements office to discuss my tattoo, which was not against policy, but that had caused a rift in our team. They wanted to find a way to keep our team together for the kids in the cottages sake. And while this is what I wanted, I felt like I was the one being made to do everything to get rid of the rift. Granted I was the one who got the tattoo, but short of getting it removed I wasn’t sure how I could change the feelings of other people. So why was I the only one being asked to change anything?

I began to feel very hurt, and very bitter at the entire situation. I started to question whether I should have gotten the tattoo when I did. Maybe I should have waited. I found it hard to love my tattoo when it caused all this drama. I let bitterness have a foothold in my heart, and it took over. Especially when I realized I wasn’t going to be able to stay in the cottage. I threw a major fit in my heart. I didn’t want to leave that cottage, and I was mad at not getting my way. And I sat in this for way longer than I’d like to admit.

In the midst of my inner tantrum I chose to change cottages. Because despite what I felt I knew the Lord was working and leading. He was closing the door to being in the cottage whether I liked it or not and opening the door to work in the other cottage. I followed His leading, even though I was kicking and screaming the whole way.

Since switching cottages I’ve been trying to work on my attitude, on letting go of bitterness, on forgiving, and on trusting in the Lord’s plan. You see I am 100% sure that even if I hadn’t of gotten my tattoo I still wouldn’t be working in that cottage anymore. There were other issues within our team that would have torn it apart.

More importantly I know the Lord was leading me to this other cottage. I have seen traces of this throughout the summer working in there. None more clear than through the text I got two days ago stating that the couple who works in there is leaving. This cottage has been through so much change in staff in the past year that it breaks my heart. But I am so humbled that the Lord led me to that cottage to walk with these kids through yet another abandonment and to love them through it.

 

 

Story Time

I don’t know if y’all have noticed but I don’t talk much about my work here on the blog. And that is purposeful. I’m not real sure how much I can and can’t share. The other reason is because I would so much rather sit down with a cup of coffee, or chai tea in my case, and chat with you about my work. I just don’t think I can do it justice in a blog post. So I just don’t.

However with that said I wanted to share with y’all a pretty funny conversation that took place. Names are changed for obvious reasons.

My co-worker “Jessie” was making some pico de gallo and wanted some basil from the garden. She called over Mason and said “go to the garden and get some basil for me.” As she was about to tell him where it was located he said I know, I know and walks out the door.

He comes back into the house with an entire plant, with the roots and dropping dirt on the ground. Jessie takes a deep breath making the intake noise and says “You picked my beautiful flowers! I tried to tell you where they were and you said you knew, they are in the planter boxes ” At this point I’m laughing pretty hard. So Mason goes to the cupboard and takes the bottle of dried basil leaves and heads back to the garden and Jessie gets something to replant her flowers.

He comes back yet again with an entire plant, with the roots and dropping dirt on the ground. Jessie again takes a deep breath with the noise and says “You picked my jalapenos!” Mason replies “Look it looks exactly like the picture!” I’m in the other room laughing hysterically at their interaction. So Jessie says “Let’s go to the garden together and I will show you where they are and what to pick.’ She turns to me and says “I’m afraid for my garden he is going to uproot everything looking for basil!”

I was laughing so hard. You may have had to be there to find it funny. But I still giggle every time I think about the interaction. Because Mason really thought he had picked the right thing the right way every time and was all proud to come back in with it. And Jessie was just so devastated that he uprooted any of the plants let alone the wrong ones.

What’s New In Bullet Points

Since I can’t seem to publish a real blog post I figured I could at least bullet point some new things in my life since the last time I blogged.

  • Christmas break for the kiddos was tiring… I was so thankful when they went back to school… To be fair we had a cottage sponsor take us out on fun outings multiple days in a row, and my work had gotten money donated for the break and had multiple events, and neither of those things are normal…. But still kinda scared for summer
  • With that said I’m trying to take less naps during the days I’m working… Once summer comes they will be non-existent. Plus there are much better things I could be doing with my time.
  • I started a new read through the bible in a year plan (although I’m like a week behind right now) it’s a context plan. It’s been good so far.
  • I moved from the staff house into a cottage. It’s only been a few days so can’t judge yet. Tomorrow is the first morning the boys will be up before me so we’ll see how that goes. And my first off days while living here are starting Saturday…
  • I have a friend from P-town who is teaching overseas in Germany and fell while rock climbing and had back surgery and doesn’t have much feeling in her legs. But she is a rockstar and is praising God through it all. Check out her blog here and also you can get regular updates on her Post Hope Page.
  • I’m thinking as a birthday present to myself (yes I know it’s a little less than 8 months away) I’m going to get a dog! There are other reasons why I’m waiting until then other than just a birthday present to myself. But that one sounds the best lol.

I think that’s it on new stuff. Hopefully I’ll be back soon to write a meaningful post soon. Until then… I miss you all!