When God loves you enough

A year ago tomorrow I went on a date. A date I didn’t admit to being a date till after it was over. A date that led to a kind of relationship. A relationship that, as I look back on now, God used to “wreck my ship,” to use the words of my friend Bryce. But I’m getting ahead of myself…

In November and December of 2014 I started wanting to go on dates. I didn’t want anything serious and was still content being single, so I thought. I just wanted to go on out and have fun. At first it was just passing thoughts. But the more passing thoughts I had the more it grew into a desire. It didn’t change the fact that I still thought I was content with being single.

And of course while the thought of wanting to go on a date was becoming a desire I met a guy I thought I might be interested in going on dates with. We start talking every time we saw each other, and then eventually we started texting between the times we saw each other a bit. Then came the aforementioned date; the aforementioned kind of relationship.

Did it last? No. Did it end well? No. Did I ignore red flags? Yes. Did it cause unnecessary pain and heartache? Yes. Despite all this did I try it all again with him? Yes.

What I failed to see during it all was that I had become discontent with being single. Discontent in my relationship with the Lord. I had started to seek fulfillment from others instead of Him. I lied to myself about it all. I thought I could just date to date. Tried to convince myself that I could do that. And of course, it failed.

After the second time when it ended before it began the Lord opened my eyes to my sin. He opened my eyes to see that I was seeking fulfillment from others instead of Him. That I had stopped believing He was enough. He knew I was fooled into believing lies and He wanted my eyes open to the truth.

God loved me enough to give me what I thought I wanted. A date. Even though He knew it was Himself that I really wanted. And through the date and the wreckage that followed, He patiently drew me back to himself and saved me from my sin yet again.

 

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